Newly Married Please Be Careful

Especially to the newly married, please be careful.

‬: HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!!!

My name is Ibukun, you can just call me Ib as that is what I am called by everybody anyway. I am sited at my desk in this office this Friday morning reflecting on my life these past 5 years. The mistakes I made, the decisions I took and how this job that meant the whole world to me has suddenly become a burden. I remember the day I met my husband here in the city of Abuja, I came for my job interview and he had come to have a meeting with one of the marketers. He could see how nervous I was sitting at the reception waiting to be called that he offered to wait and take me for a drink after. I gave him the meanest look I could muster and told him to mind his business. See me preparing my mind for the biggest job interview of my life and there he was chasing woman. I composed myself and went in for the interview with my laptop almost falling from my hands. I could already tell they loved all the samples of my designs I showed them from the looks on their faces. After all, I am fully invested in my profession as an architect and this kind of opportunity trust me, is not common. I showed them some beautiful 3D designs and drafted floor plans. I came out all smiling and confident. I went to the road to hail and taxi and Lo and behold, he had been waiting for me.

That was how Ifemidayo began to capture my heart. We had a very interesting relationship. he was everything I had been looking for in a man. he was gentle, hardly ever got angry for more than an hour and never even pressured me about sex. He was such a gentleman. To seal it up my family loved him. It even seemed like my parents and my siblings loved him more than me. Ifemi as I call him was the ideal man for me. Two years later, we got married in Lagos where my family home is and then we travelled to Dubai for our honeymoon. I had been working for 2 years now and my job was very well paying so we could afford a reasonable wedding and a nice honeymoon. Ifemi had a good job too with a consulting firm. It was one of these coded firms in Abuja that had plenty money to pay their staff. We were comfortable, we were in love and we loved God. It seemed like nothing could go wrong. We rented a nice two bedroom flat in Gwarinpa about a month before the wedding and we both had our cars already so all was set for a great life ahead. We came back to Abuja after the honeymoon to live happily ever after... or so we thought..

‬: HAPPILY EVER AFTER 2

Life couldn’t be better for us. I got a promotion about a month after the wedding. Ifemi started talking about having children but I just could not imagine that yet. I just got promoted to the position of assistant manager. Work would definitely become hectic so getting pregnant would just mess up my plans. One night, we came back from work and just finished having dinner and we had this big conversation, I remember it vividly like it was yesterday even though it was 3 years ago. Ifemi said, “IB we can’t just postpone starting a family indefinitely just because of your job. You knew I wanted a family as soon as we got married. You knew this right from the start. You used to feel the same way and I don’t get why you are suddenly having a change of heart”. I was so angry that day; I just did could not get what the whole fuss was about. I told him straight on, “Now I see why they say men are so selfish. You know how much this promotion means to me and suddenly you just can’t give me a break. I told you my work schedule will become hectic because of this new position. All I have asked for is a year to settle in before I start pumping babies. Now we are married, you think whatever you desire is law? Ifemidayo, you are joking. Except it is not my body that will carry the babies, that is when you can be getting impatient. As for me, I am not ready and that is final.” I looked into my husband’s eyes and I have never seen such anger in him before. I expected him to lash out in more anger but he just quietly turned and went to bed. I was proud of myself for making my point clear. I just felt Ifemi was being selfish just because our salaries would be the same with this new promotion I got.

The next day, I went to the hospital during lunch hour and fixed IUD as a protection. After all, the lack of contraceptive against pregnancy is the beginning of foolishness. I could not trust Ifemidayo to not get me pregnant intentionally and he would never support any permanent contraceptive so I just did it anyway. I’ll take it off codedly when I am ready. After that day, I stopped arguing with him about having babies. In fact, the next time he raised the issue, I simply said okay. He would never know I have sorted myself. Ifemidayo began to take special care of me after then. He would buy me fruits, make sure I took enough vegetables, read everything and anything about women trying to have babies. He made me start taking folic acid at some point in the hope that it would prepare my body for pregnancy. The sex was very regular and it was fun for me. He even started making me calculate my ovulation period. After one year of making so much effort, Ifemi started getting worried. I thought about telling him about the contraceptive I have fixed but work was more hectic than I thought and I could not jeopardize that yet especially now that we were building our own house. How would I support him if I lost my job? I thanked God for the wonderful in laws I have because Ifemi’s mum is truly one of those mothers that does not intrude. There was a time I even felt bad because the pastor recommended a 7days fast in church for people that want children. Ifemi made sure we did the fast. I joined him in doing that but I used the opportunity to pray for other things.

My Manager suddenly knocks on my door and that cuts into my thoughts. Ibukun, “have you done the 3D designs for Glamour concepts Ltd yet? Yes sir, I am bringing it to the meeting now. I looked at my watch. It is time for Friday meeting. I was totally lost in thought sha. I didn’t even know I had been sitting on my desk for 2 hours already. I got busy with work all through that day and I didn’t get back to my thoughts until my drive home at 7pm that night. Sometime last year, I finally decided I wanted to have children. It was not fun seeing Ifemi suffer and seeing all my friends cute babies wasn’t helping matter either. I decided to take out the IUD but I still haven’t gotten around to it yet. This morning, Ifemi called me that he has booked an appointment for us tomorrow to see a gynaecologist and do some check up to make sure all is well. I have tried for so long to avoid this but today, he was very adamant. I am thinking maybe I should just tell him about the contraceptive or try and remove it early in the morning before we go to the appointment t 2pm. I do not even want to imagine Ifemi’s reaction and actions if I tell him. I will quietly remove it in the morning. I was so lost in thought, I didn’t see the truck parked in the middle of the road, all I heard was the crash and I just blacked out. My last thoughts were of my beloved

: HAPPILY EVER AFTER 3

I woke up with a smashing headache and confusing thoughts. I looked around and there he was, sitting quietly by my hospital bedside lost in thoughts. I quickly closed my eyes and remembered all I was thinking about before my accident. I was going to sneak out tomorrow morning to go remove the IUD before our doctor's appointment. Wait, I don't even know how long I have been out for. I have to check my phone at least to check the date. I opened my eyes and he saw me. I wish I could freeze that moment. The joy in his eyes, the smile on his face was priceless. How could I have made this man I love so much sad these past years, waiting earnestly for a child I purposely did not give him. How will he ever trust me again. If there is one thing I know about Ifemi, he never tolerates lies. He stood up and gave me a very big kiss on the lips. The doctor came in at that moment and assured us everything is fine and we can go home in another day or two. I had been out for up to 24 hours so they had to just monitor my progress.

Ifemi then asked the doctor what I feared most; Doc, we were scheduled to see a gynecologist today before to have a check up and make sure everything is fine as we have been trying to have a baby. Do you think we can run those tests now since we are already in the hospital? The doctor said they'll come by later to run some scans and left. There is no escape now, no secret way to avoid being caught in this big lie. I am so scared right now. How do I face him? The next day,I was feeling much stronger and the tests had been done. Ifemi came into my room with the doctor, I had to force him to go home to sleep last night. The doctor said he wanted to talk to us both about the results of the tests they ran on me. He started by saying, Mrs Babalola, when exactly did you fix your IUD? Ifemi said, what is IUD? I could not even look at his face while the doctor explained to him what an IUD was and he was arguing that of course I did not do it as we have been trying to have children. I saved him further embarrassment and told the doctor it has been 3 years.

 Ifemi looked at me and said, Ibukun what do you mean 3 years? You fixed a contraceptive without informing me? You lied to me and made me put in so much effort looking for a child? You seriously did that? I did not even know what to say. The doctor then said, Mr Babalola, that is the least of your worries, the problem now is that there has been some complications with the IUD. This is a rare complication and we rarely see this occur but unfortunately, we are now faced with this situation. We have found that your IUD has shifted from its original position and has now migrated through the opening of your right Fallopian tube. We would have to perform some surgeries to actually get it removed and the earlier we do that the better so as not to totally affect your chances of getting pregnant. I stared at the doctor in disbelief, I could not even begin to comprehend what he was saying. I have so many friends that have fixed this same IUD and nothing has ever happened. Are you sure there is no mistake here? The doctor then tried to explain about how this was a rare complication and all but I just was not listening anymore. I looked at Ifemi's eyes and I could see the judgment in his eyes. I came off my bed and held him begging but he looked at me and said, it was your decision, fix it anyhow you like and he walked out. I just cannot believe this is happening. The tears won't stop falling. All I wanted was to delay pregnancy for a while, I knew I shouldn't have lied to my husband but how was I to know I would have such a complication. I am so lost right now, I don't even know what to do. Will Ifemi ever come back? Am I even still married? My phone started ringing and I looked at the phone and saw it was my mother in law. Oh God! Ifemi must have called 

‬: HAPPILY EVER AFTER 4

My mother in law spoke to me at length that day. Ifemi had never spoken to her about our marriage before so for him to have called her, she knew I had taken it too far. She said I had taken my job as a priority over my marriage and it would take God to win my hubby back. At the end of that conversation, I felt so weak and broken. I was surprised to see Ifemi arrive back at the hospital the next morning before my surgery. He was not smiling nor speaking to me but his presence there gave me hope. Over the next few weeks, they had to perform 3 surgeries to finally repair all the damage. Ifemi was there all through providing all the support I needed but he still was not speaking to me. The doctor told us that the complications were very bad and my chance of having a baby immediately was 50%. They had done all they could and all was left in God’s hands. I could tell from the way Ifemi looked at me that forgiveness was a long shot not when he still could not have the baby he wanted.

By the time I went back to work Ifemi and I were still not in a good place. I had tried several times to seduce him and get him to even touch me but he just turns around and refuses. The last time I woke him in the night to talk about how we can move on, he just said, “you should have had this conversation before taking decisions by yourself” and went back to sleep. Ifemi that used to come home straight from work now comes back around 10pm, at times later. I just could not fathom how one single action could have broken my marriage this way. The other day, I made him breakfast and he said he wasn’t hungry, I tried to cajole him to eat it and he said, “have you poisoned the food? It is definitely not beyond you, If you can lie for 3 years, you can definitely kill me”. I cried for a long time that day, I shouted and fought. I reminded him of how he said for better for worse and how it was just one mistake but he simply looked at me and walked out. We were living together like strangers in the same house. I definitely cannot spend the rest of my life begging him. It has been 2 months already.

One Wednesday afternoon, my colleague in the office, Wale saw me crying and pestered me and what was wrong. I had never spoken to anybody about my marriage and I was dying inside. I opened my mouth and told him everything from the beginning to the end. It was such a relief sharing my pain with somebody else. After I said everything, Wale decided to take me to lunch, we talked for so long during lunch. He was really good at listening. Wale told me what I did was really wrong and that I had to keep working on my marriage. He said my husband too was taking it too far and had to forgive me eventually and I agreed with him. He said he was there for me whenever I needed somebody to talk to as it was not even healthy for me to bottle so much up. He made me smile for which I was grateful. It had been long since I had an interesting time. It is really lonely at home these days. That was the beginning of my friendship with Wale......

‬: HAPPILY EVER AFTER 5

After a while I stopped feeling miserable. Maybe it had to do with the fact that I was not bottling up so much anymore. Wale had a great listening ear and could listen to my problems all day. Ifemi kept on giving me the worst attitude for another month and after a while I began to ignore him. After over 2 months of wasting so much food, I stopped cooking for him. In fact I stopped doing anything for him. We lived like strangers. It was such a surprise that we still slept in the same bed. We hardly said hello to each other. I preferred to even stay in the office late and gist with Wale. We had lunch and dinner together and I just went home to sleep most days. Wale even advised me that men were not that difficult and if Ifemi sees that his actions were no longer affecting me, he would change and that is exactly what happened.

After about two weeks of ignoring Ifemi, he came home one night and asked me to make dinner for him. I smiled in my mind and went to make him dinner. We ate together that night , he gisted me about his day in the office and we talked into the night. Eventually, the conversation drifted to what happened and Ifemi said he had forgiven me and wanted us to give our marriage another chance. I apologized again and he said now he knows the height of my stubbornness but loves me anyway. I wanted to tell him about my friendship with Wale at that point but it just felt like it would be a betrayal and I did not want to spoil the moment for us.I had so much fun because we gisted like old friends. We didn't even get to the bedroom before Ifemi started touching me. We were like high school kids having their first make out session. Very rushed but fun. We made love right there on the sitting room floor, cuddled and slept off there.

I came in to the office late the next morning after the beautiful night I just had. Wale came to see me immediately to check if I was okay.After all, I had been coming to work very early and closing really late just to avoid Ifemi. I did not plan to give him the full gist of what had happened but Wale said he wouldn't leave my office till he got the full story. I was so excited anyway to hold it in. I gave him the full story of how hubby and I made up and even had make up sex on the sitting room floor. Wale was so excited about it and told me how proud he was of me. He said now that my husband is back now, my work husband can take a bow right? I assured him he was still my bestie whenever Ifemi was naughty. As we walked out of my office together, Wale surprisingly pulled me for a hug and while I was still wondering what the hug was for, he planted a kiss on my lips. He walked out while my mouth was still open. I was really confused. It wasn't that the kiss was not nice, quite the opposite. I just did not understand why Wale will kiss me now that Ifemi and I are getting our marriage back on track. I really did not know what to do but telling Ifemi seemed out of the question now that we were just recovering, I simply could not make him distrust me again. I decided talking to Wale about it seemed like a better option....... 

HAPPILY EVER AFTER 6

Over the next few weeks, Ifemi and I made efforts to get our marriage on track. It seemed like we had drifted apart for too long and we had gotten used to doing things separately. I tried to put things to bed with Wale by discussing the hug and kiss with him but immediately I raised the issue, he just brushed it aside. I just concluded he probably just got carried away or maybe he did not even plan to kiss me anyway. Why make it such a big deal? I began to reduce our lunch dates though and hubby started coming to take me to lunch once in a while. Every thing was getting so rosy and I was having the time of my life in my marriage, until one day....

Ifemi went jogging that Saturday morning and left his phone at home. Out of boredom, I just started going through his phone. It had been so long since I checked his phone because it was always so boring. I was not prepared for what I saw. There was an unfamiliar name on his WhatsApp chat. Ifemi did not usually have female friends so seeing the name, Jadesolami was quite a shock. Who will my husband use such an endearment for? I then scrolled the chat way back to earlier messages. I just could not stop the tears. In the two months that Ifemi refused to speak to me, he had found comfort in the arms of another woman. They had shared such intimate chats, the likes of which hubby and I hardly ever wrote to each other even in our best moments. Hubby even wrote in one of his messages that he wished he had met her earlier. The fact that their last messages showed they had ended things was no consolation at all. She wrote that she misses Ifemi and she hopes that the marriage he left her to build was worth it and the only reply my darling hubby had given was that he misses her too and prays it all works out. I just could not fathom it. Ifemi that hardly even spoke to women. Just one simple mistake and he ran to another woman's arms. Nothing had ever prepared me for this. Something kept telling me that if he could forgive me for what I did, I should be able to forgive him too but I just refused to listen. he was supposed to be the faithful and responsible one. I wrote 20 sticky notes saying, "Jadesola misses you" and put it everywhere in the house, right from the front door to the fridge, table tops and everywhere stick-able. I took my car keys and drove straight to Wale's house. I did not even remember to call ahead to know if he was home. The tears wouldn't even stop. I could hardly see. Wale opened on the first knock and was so surprised to see me. He asked what happened and I told him all that happened amidst tears. He cuddled me on the sofa and rocked me to sleep.

By the time I woke up, I was on Wale's bed around 2pm. He must have carried me after I slept. It really was comforting to have such a friend. I looked around for my phone and did not find it so I went to the sitting room to find it. Wale was watching TV and he told me he had made me some rice since he knew I had not eaten. I knew ifemi would be worried and I asked for my phone. Wale said he had switched it off as Ifemi had not stopped calling. I felt rather uncomfortable that Wale just decided to switch off my phone but I also knew he was just looking out for me. By the time I put on my phone, I had 20 missed calls from Ifemi, my battery was already very low. I thought of calling him back but Wale advised me to let him stew for a while that I could bunk with him for as long as I wanted. I knew I could not do that so I decided I would go stay in a hotel later in the evening. Wale did not seem so pleased with the idea but there was nothing he could do so he went to serve me my food. I really could not eat the food as the tears started again. I was just disappointed in Ifemi. Wale came to sit by my side to stop my tears and that was when I felt his hands rubbing by back and then he started rubbing my laps. My first thought was of Ifemi's betrayal. I knew Wale was going to go all the way if I allowed him but was I willing to? Then I also was so angry with my hubby, all these months he made me feel so guilty over lying to him when he was busy being unfaithful? Why not just even the slate? I turned to Wale with all my anger and kissed him hard on the lips....

: HAPPILY EVER AFTER 7

The sudden knock on the door was the jolt that brought me back to my senses. Seriously? I couldn't believe I just kissed another man so deeply. I always believed that Ifemi was my one and only. Wale was so angry at the distraction. The way he shouted, who is that? kind of made me laugh. I tried to gather my wits around me and compose myself and the little dignity I have left. He went to the door and I wondered who he was discussing with but I was not kept in suspense for too long as one of the prettiest ladies I have ever seen walked into the door. One of those women you just meet and you instantly feel inadequate and unsure of yourself. She had so much class and poise and when she said, " hello, I am Tumi, Wale's fiancé and you are? It took me a while to recover and not to let the shock I was feeling register on my face. I am Mrs Ibukun Babalola, your fiancée and I work together and he has never stopped talking about how great you are. I cast a quick glance at Wale and I have never seen so much guilt on a person's face before. I just could not believe he had never mentioned having a girlfriend before not to talk of being engaged. I looked at her and saw the big rock sitting on her finger, she was definitely engaged.

I quickly excused myself and made a silly excuse about coming to sort out an office presentation for Monday, even though she did not ask me what I came for. Wale did not say a word all through. He decided to see me off to the car. I was walking so briskly and just wanted to get away from that embarrassment as fast as possible. Wale started to mention that he was sorry, I landed a very deliberate dirty slap on his face and got into my car and drove off. I parked just down his street and checked my phone. There was already over 30 missed calls from Ifemi and text messages begging not to hurt myself and come back home. I decided to drive straight home and listen to what my beloved hubby had to say. Immediately I drove into our compound and saw my mother in law's car packed in the compound, I was already irritated. So after cheating on me, Ifemi had the guts to go call reinforcement or what?

 I walked into the sitting room with a straight face. I greeted mummy and asked if she had been here for long and if she had eaten. I did not even give Ifemi a second glance even though I knew he was sited right there. She said she was fine and had been waiting for me for about an hour since she was the reason I came and she wanted to talk to me. She told me it was a private discussion and I should lead the way to our bedroom. I was wondering what it was mum wanted to discuss with me privately and had made her come all the way. One thing I loved my mother in law for was the fact that she does not get involved. Even when we had the last big issue that threatened our marriage, she only gave me a call. She was just so busy anyway. I did not have to guess for long. Just as we sat in the room, mum launched into a very long story of how she knew some things that had been happening in our marriage and how hubby and I have been making so many mistakes. She said all of our other mistakes has led to this point where we both have to choose if this marriage actually matters to us. She said she knows about Jadesola, who indeed had an affair with my hubby and that now the lady was pregnant with his child. I suddenly went blank. It felt like pregnancy had another meaning. I was totally speechless. Mummy kept on talking like she did not just drop a bombshell. She said she just could not understand how I put my job before my marriage and refused to give my husband a child. I could not shout or scream. I just sat there in silence, the tears running down my face while she waited for me to answer he question of, so what will you do now?

: HAPPILY EVER AFTER 8

I sat at that spot for what seemed like an eternity. I knew my marriage was over. I just did not feel it was worth fighting for. I could never forgive Ifemi for impregnating another woman no matter what I must have done to him. He promised me for better or worse. I stood up eventually with the tears still streaming uncontrollably down my face, walked to the wardrobe and started packing my things. My mother in law came to stand by me and advised me not to go. She kept saying I should not make this mistake. I should not give up on my marriage but to fight for it. She kept going on and on but I totally ignored her. When I was done packing about two boxes, I turned to her and said thank you. I picked my boxes and dragged them to the sitting room. Ifemi was still sitting there, I saw a momentary surprise on his face at the packed boxes but otherwise, he just looked at me and shook his head. That took my anger to another level, I had planned to just walk by but I turned to him and said, “you are such a wicked hypocrite. This marriage was all about children to you right? You jumped at the first pair of skirts to offer them to you. Go to hell Ifemi and stay there. Woe betides me if I ever think of accepting an unfaithful dog like you”. He did not utter a word of reply.

The rest of that day was in a haze. I drove my car, parked it in my office compound and took a cab to the airport. I took the next available flight to Lagos and went home. My mum did not seem surprised to see me and was not accepting at all. I was put under the fire immediately I entered the house even though it was almost midnight. My mother in law and my husband had both called her and told her the whole story. My mum did not even want to listen to me. I begged her to understand but she said I should have called her before messing my whole marriage up and I should get back to my husband immediately. She said I could not stay in the house and she would never condone such but I told her point blank I was not going back there. I could not sleep that night as I was desperately trying to piece it all together. The next morning, I took my bag and headed to a hotel. I texted my mum, telling her where I was in the hope that she will ask me to come back home but she did not reply. By Sunday morning, I had not eaten for 2 days and I was so weak. I had to order room service and I stayed in all day.

On Monday, I started to think deeply on what to do next. I could not stay in a hotel indefinitely and I needed to get back to the office. Would I now get a separate apartment in Abuja or what do I do? If I go back to Abuja now, where do I live? Another hotel? I did not even have friends I could live with. Just as I was thinking of that, my phone beeped, I got an email. I had to read the mail about 4 times to understand that I had just been sacked due to downsizing blah blah blah. Another round of tears started. This could not have happened at a worse time. After all I had given to that company, now they know they are downsizing? I had heard rumours of it but I never thought in a million years it could affect me. I was not even in Abuja to go fight and raise hell about it. It was really beginning to feel like my whole world had come crushing down. Maybe it was a bad idea to pack out of the house after all. We could take the baby and settle the mother far away from us. That looked like a possible option. I decided to chill an stew in Lagos for one more week before going back home to Abuja.

Immediately I made that decision, I started to feel better. I would definitely get another job but another husband? That is a big NO. I started calling up old friends in Lagos and spent the whole week visiting and hanging out.

 By Thursday, Ifemi started calling me. I refused to pick his call but I was smiling in my mind. Now he has come to his senses. I’ll leave him to be sad till Sunday and I’ll take the morning flight home. I booked my ticket immediately, I really was starting to accept the idea of the child. On Friday morning, there was a knock on my hotel room door. I was surprised to see my mum but her face was scary. I have never seen my mum so sad before. I kept asking her what was wrong but she asked me to sit down. Immediately I did, I knew my life was over. She said Ifemi had decided to come meet me in Lagos yesterday evening and he had a car accident on his way to the airport in Abuja. I said, so how is he? Is he okay? I need to get to the hospital immediately. My mum pulled me and said, they tried very hard in the hospital but Ifemi died at about 2am this morning. I could hear screams but I did not even know they were coming from me. I felt myself landing on the bed, I knew I kept shouting but I know nothing else that happened there after. How could I have killed the person I love most in this world?

(THE END)

I want to say a big thank you to all those that followed the story . I hope we all got the lessons in this and can avoid making some grave mistakes in our marriages. 

May God give us all wisdom to build our homes.

Let us live, love and learn for the journey is still far and it is not for the faint hear

Pls ladies its worth reading. 

It's worth sharing

Family is everything. 

One single mistake can ruin it all.

Don't keep secrets away from each other and always carry each other along no matter what. #May_Almighty_God_Guide_Protect_And_Bless_Us_Amen

MIDDLE MIDDLEADS

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Title : Newly Married Please Be Careful
Description : Especially to the newly married, please be careful. ‬: HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!!! My name is Ibukun, you can just call me Ib as that is what I a...
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